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Monday, July 2nd, 2001
1:46 pm - now its time to say good bye....
my journal is distorted. too many people are reading and it makes me uncomfortable. online i like who i am. i dont hold back and nothing really scares me. when i combine the two worlds one of them always suffers. i have created a new journal. you can im me and i will give you the user name. this way i can keep certain people out

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10:23 am - you can hear it too
If you want to hear the entire new Saves the Day album go to www.staywhatyouare.com

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Friday, June 29th, 2001
3:59 pm - Now that I am somewhat awake
Lastnight was perfect. There is no other word that can describe it. Nicki came over to watch a movie and I didnt even watch the movie. We layed together on the couch for hours. It was perfect. Unfortuneatly I can not be up until 4:15 in the morning every day especially when I have work the next day. She is incredible though. It feels as though I have known her forever. I feel so comfortable with her. I am falling for her so fast and so hard. Im affraid that something this perfect will eventually go wrong like many other things. I hope not though. I really for once dont think that she would do something like that to me. I know I wouldnt to her.
Tonight I begin recording with my new band. Poor Liz. All the songs will be on their way. It feels as though this was the closing chapter. Im not looking forward to singing those words again. The memories will all come back. Will I cry? Its all part of closing you off and washing my insides clean.

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1:25 pm - Intresting Facts for my journal friends
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150
Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
Average length when erect: 5.1
Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches
Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)
Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet
Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall
Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.
Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches
The human equivalent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)
Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours
Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)
Shelf life of a hostess Twinkie: 7 years
Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm
Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm
Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm
# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6
In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.
Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.
Dairy products can create a foul taste.
The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.
Acidic fruits and alcohol (except processed liquors) give it a pleasant and sugary test.
Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown
Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.
Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)
Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.
It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.
Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

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12:00 pm - A Message calling you out...
Finally. You know who you are. I dont have to say your name. I start walking through the pages of memories tonight. Recalling the pain and the deception you put forth. One day everyone will understand. Maybe someone will stop by and explain it all to you. By then it will be too late. The world has changed by your hands. You lost control once you tore my insides out.

current mood: determined

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Thursday, June 28th, 2001
4:38 pm - I see your name has returned again
Demanding and turning around what really happened. I hope it makes it all easier for you to excuse what you have done. Say none of this is true all you want. One day I will be a rock star. Never compramising myself. Fueled by you and everything you have with everyone else. I will be good enough.

current mood: angry

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1:10 pm - Tummy hurts... too much mac and cheese
I am so tired yet again. My teacher is being an ultra bitch. I was sick last week so I was unable to go to class. I emailed her that morning to let her know that I would not be there to take the test and to let me know when I could make up the test. I also emailed her my papers that were due that day. She never replied so I sent her another email. She replied to this one saying that it dosent matter if I was sick or not. She will not let me take the exam which means I will automatically fail the test. I dont know where to take it from here. I guess I will try forwarding the email conversations to a counseler there or something. She has really pissed me off and I could tell that she has had it out for me. Nothing I can really do right now and I really dont want to dwell on it.
Tonight I am suppose to see Nicki. I dont know what we are going to do yet. I have 87 cents in my bank account right now and an empty tank of gas so hopfully she will just be coming over to hang out. I hate being broke. I just really want to hurry up and get these damn credit cards paid off. 2500 in credit card debt. That shit sucks. Plus I still have 1000 in student loans left to pay off. Where did all my money go?
On a much brighter note I have only smoked one cig today. Usually by this time I would be about to start on my second pack. I noticed over the past few weeks that I have been having trouble getting the sound out of my voice that I usually do and that is really important to me. Im pretty damn whinny and boring today so this will be my entry for now.

current mood: discontent

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Wednesday, June 27th, 2001
3:27 pm - She enters
Nicki found my journal. She went on to Stevii's page and looked through her friends and found my entires. She called me and wrote me a really long email telling me that she felt bad for reading it but promised me that no matter how tempted she would no longer read through my journal. I trust her. I cant believe I am saying that about a woman. I trust her though.

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10:26 am - Something kinda odd.........
chag or Chag? You tell me which way you prefer to have it written. Im confused and very tired today. I actually have alot of work to do today. That isnt fun. Plus I am broke yet again so I have to try to hold out until Friday though I really wanted to go to Dupont tonight becaue Patrick is getting back into town and I would really like to do some more debating. I will write later. I am still trying to wake up.

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Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
3:54 pm - Chag is the dreamiest guy I know.......swoon......
Well thanks to some help from Chag on how to get started I should have a web page up before the end of next month. I am going to take my time since I am just getting familiar with HTML. Finally I will have up to date pictures and I can start posting out all the new songs I have been writing and recording. And I owe it all to Chag. That makes three.

Also. Nikki called my office to talk to me. Just to tell me she had a really good time lastnight and just wanted to say hi and thank me. Hmmmmmm. Could things be looking superb today?

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12:25 pm - New Saves the Day album
I just wanted to let everyone know that the new Saves the Day album comes out July 10th.

www.savestheday.com

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9:54 am - I wanna be more like chag
Well if I was more like chag I would have no problem getting the ladies. Chag gets all the ladies because he has a web page. One day I too will have a web page. Until then though I will have to live through chag.
So lastnight while I was taking my usual after work nap the phone rang. It was none other than wonderful Nikki so I actually got up and answered the phone. Since she didnt go to see Bad Brains she was available for the evening so me being that ever so smart guy asked if she would like to come over and watch a movie. So then I did all the normal prepping stuff. I then picked her up and we watched All Over Me until we began to fight with each other. Needless to say I kicked her ass and claimed victory by giving her a zerbert. After all of that I took her home since I did have to wake up and come to work today. This is now the 3rd time that I have hung out with her and I find her even more beautiful each time I see her. I'm not too sure as to how moved on she is from this other guy that treated her like dirt so I will wait to see if she puts forth a first move.

current mood: calm

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Monday, June 25th, 2001
4:38 pm - i need help... and not mental help this time
I need to make a web page but I dont know how. Can anyone help me?

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10:06 am - Pancakes and syrup
Well I am guessing that things did not go all that well yesterday. I was reading Nikkis bme page and it seemed as though she was bored for a good portion of the day. I thought that she would have said something if she wanted to do something else. I also dont think that it really helps that we were hanging out in dupont (the gay district) when she already suspects that I might be gay. I figured that opening car doors, taking her to lunch, and telling her she is beautiful would have let her know otherwise. I know that she is incredible because when we talk online its awesome because I can open up and not feel akward at all. Im sure that if I get to hang out with her again then I will be able to open up more and more in person as I become more comfortable around her. I think that next time I will have to save up some money and try to plan out the entire day better so that I can try to sweep her off her feet. That would be really nice.

current mood: syrup....

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9:24 am - Its 11:11 make a wish......
Yesterday was an awesome day. I hung out with Nikki from the bme bbq. Needless to say that not only is she beautiful but she is also alot of fun and extremly cool.
So I picked her up at her house exactly at 3 on sunday and then we went out to georgetown to get some food. After that we walked around and went down to soho and then up to the circle to sit with the homless gay mens. They said that we were like pancakes and syrup. Thats hot. After that we went site seeing through DC. Then finally down to mikes dinner for cheese sticks and then back to her house where we battled with kitchen objects.
I am tired so I am not hitting much detail. Out way to late with pretty girls. As for those who are wondering. No there wasnt a smooche. ::sniffles::

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9:23 am - emo test
Here is the result of your EMO Test (How Emo Are You?) Purity Test.
You answered "yes" to 32 of 50 questions, with a total value of 33 points out of 53, making you 37.7% HAPPINESS pure (62.3% HAPPINESS corrupt); that is, you are 37.7% pure in the EMO domain (you have 62.3% EMO in you).
According to the scoring guide, your EMO experience level is: KINDA SAD

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Friday, June 22nd, 2001
12:19 pm - Two way mirror
No one is really what they appear to be. I have noticed that alot of people change themselves when they are around certain people and then when they are with someone different they change again. Do you understand what I am saying? Sick to my stomach yet again. Sick of people. Sick of this place.

current mood: nauseated

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10:22 am - My horoscope for today
It could be a bit uncomfortable for you to carry around certain secrets, but if you reveal them, things could blow up in your face right now. Let others reveal their souls, but remember to play your cards close to the vest. Important people could be watching you, so think carefully before you say or do anything. Your intuition should be very strong right now.

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9:40 am - Taking advantage of time
Lastnight I decided that it would be a wonderful night to work through some of the lyrics that I have been writing and try to clean them up some. Sitting down at soho drinking my wonderful fruit drink. Patrick arrived down there like he usually does to invoke me into debates over politics and religion. For once instead of debating he decided to show me some things through the city. We went to the FDR memorial which I never even knew existed. It was an out door memorial filled with waterfalls and the most beautiful scenery around it. The memorial walks you through all the terms that he served and on the walls are quotes through his time. It really is an incredible memorial. It would be the type of place that our main characters in the movie would go and fall in love. After the memorial Patrick dropped me back at soho so that I could continue with what I had started. I ended up staying down there until around 1:30 in the morning before I finally decided that it was time to retreat and get some sleep. It seems that people take for granted to the wonderful memorials that we have right here within our own city.

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Thursday, June 21st, 2001
2:47 pm - friends always appear further away on the phone
I talked to Nikki online today. She is the girl who had the bme bbq. She is really awesome and dosent even realize just how much cooler she is. Plus she is incredibly beautiful. We talked online today though and discussed some things dealing with relationships in general. Im really not going to go into detail about her whole deal because someone may see this and I dont know. Its not right to discuss other people and their own private matters. I gave my .02 on the whole thing. We exchanged numbers since she lives out in Manassas since that is kinda close to me and I like to go to Mikes Dinner to do a little mullet hunting every now and again. Who knows. Perhaps I will call her when she gets out of work at 11 and see if she would like to meet up for a little bit and just hang out. Hmmmmm. Tough decision. Though I think I will have no problem developing a friendship with her since she has a man so I wont feel any wierdness at all around her. That really dosent lower her hotness level. Ewwwww yucky I sound like an 80's dork. Hotness? Yucky. Alright I will have to think of a new word and edit the entry at some point in time. I am excited though. Look out Erika & Steph. I see more angels. Ha ha ha. Sorry, inside joke thing. Anyway, I guess that is really all that I have to type about. I havent talked to Erika or Steph yet today so I dont know how their evenings were. I am not sure if there is wierdness since hanging out in Dupont since we kinda broke apart. They hung out together and I talked with Patrick because I feel that he is very educated and yet brings a point into each conversation that makes me think for most of the night until my little eyes finally close until a new day.

current mood: happy

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